I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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