OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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