this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
