no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
