wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
