i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
