I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
