I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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