i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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