If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
