just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
