My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
