you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
