Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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