so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
