I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
