it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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