id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
3 2 1 whiskey
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
