I wanna bring you to show and tell
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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