I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize