He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
