So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
