im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
