Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
sarcasm needs its own font
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
