i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
