alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
