even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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