He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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