Do you still have your period?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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