I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
