what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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