Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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