The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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