as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
