can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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