He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
