Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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