I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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