After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
