He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
