There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
