Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
