Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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