So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize