I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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