I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
