Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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