We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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