we have pet lesbian snakes
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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