don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
