Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
