I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
4 words: hood of his car
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
