I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
