I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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