So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
