For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
